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[16 May 2004|10:09pm] |
i made a new account... *shurgs* boredom i guess anyways yea here
_cakeandsodomy
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| fuck this... and especially FUCK THAT! |
[10 May 2004|06:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
beware the heavens - Sinergy |
] |
yea... thats right fuck this and fuck that
im sick of being lied to! you know what fuck life!! right now i feel like i screwed up everything... i feel like ive lost everything thats good in my fucking life...
you know what... i dont fucking care... fuck that
im sick on how people are like oh i care, oh i love you, or anything... yet behind peoples backs they say the same stuff to another person... that makes me very mad, sucidal... you know what... honestly i dont fucking care...
cause soon enough im gonna be dead... and i hope its soon... just gah
which in this case... i may kill someone... cause it makes me sick...
gah!!!
anyways im through with bitching... im through with life... through with everything... next oppurtunity i get to leave this place and go somewhere else in canada... im taking it
anyways yea... later
<3 you ash
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| getting sick of it all... |
[07 May 2004|09:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dont You - Candlebox |
] |
im sick of alot of things... im doubting everything now
i know in alot of problems im the cause of the problem... people say im not... but i can see past that and i see that i am
past few weeks haven't been great... now lately im wanting to get high and get drunk... which i haven't im just sick of people lying to me... saying oh i care... or i wont say anything... then everything gets back to me... and it hurts so badly... or when i need help the most... no one does anything... maybe they are... or dont know what to say... ohwell... doesn't matter now
past 3 days... ive been wanting to die... some people think i have a good life.. say it to my face and i'll spit in yours!... my life isn;t great at the moment... im a young dad... i have no job... im bipolar... im having panic attacks... i have an ulser and im bleeding internally worse and worse eachday... i have problems i dont wanna even talk about... i just dont fucking know anymore
im to the end of my rope... im to the point i dont know how much i can take anymore without blowing my head off... because really... im not ok
i love ash with my heart... i love corvis with my heart... and adam, j, caitlin, caitlyn, kris, tyler... everyone... but im getting drug down deeper everyday...
im just i dunno... fuck this im through with this...
im gonna go now and do something with my time... so yea... i'll be fine... or maybe not... either way... i want everyone to know... i love you all
later
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| lalalala |
[04 May 2004|07:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sanity - Bad Religion |
] |
new song yay!! lol i dunno im in a song writing mood today...
so yea.. today sucked for the most part
walked 1/2 way to school... was completely soaked... so i sat in the mall to dry off... lol... hung out with J until he had to go back to school... and i met up with Jackson... then Keith came by.. with INTERESTING news... yea... i guess now trollface... is spreading shit and such... and now people are gonna shoot mike... which i wont let happen... so yea im glad i didn't see troll face today cause i would of beat his face in... the lil fuck
then i met up with Caitlyn after school... she gave me shit loads of hugs... and we walked through the mall for a bit... then i walked her home... we sat under a bridge for a bit... she let me read some of her poetry shes fucking AWESOME! and we just talked... and i wanted an acoustic so i could play nirvana... i let her borrow my Nirvana Poster Flag since she has nothing on her walls... then she hit me... and shoved me... and thats when the play fighting began lol she thorugh me into a pole... and i was gonna tackle her in to the rocks... and when i tackled her igrabbed her so she wouldn't hit the rocks... cause im not that mean... her hair smelt purdy... hehe!! nah shes a cool cat!! hopefully i see her tommorow she keeps me steady here... and shes like the only friend that really is around now... everyone else is working and crap... ohwell... MEH... lol!
i miss my ashieanda!!!!! man i cant wait til thursday though!!! god!!! I GET TO HEAR HER VOICE AGAIN!!!!!!! MUWHAHAHAha!!! and not long now before i leave for her place for a month and some!!! heheheh!! shall be fucking SWEET!!! XD i loves her heart and soul!!! XD
but yes... im going to go meet malco now... and hang out with him cause i haven't in awhile!! so yea later all!!
I <3 You Panda!!
Empty Words
pain is something thats from my past
never letting me go, always leaving me for last
im slowly slipping back, im falling through the cracks
how is that this came to be, do you really see me
im bleeding, it all leads back to when it began
im bleeding, this will always happen again
empty words are all that i hear
i'll sit here, as im swollowed into my fear
endless stares, all i feel is empty glares
look at me, understand that you created me
im bleeding, it all leads back to when it began
im bleeding, this will always happen again
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| lalalala |
[04 May 2004|01:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Betrayal Is A Symptom - Thrice |
] |
well nothing much went on today
i got up at around 8am... watched some Saved By The Bell hehe... then went back to bed... got up at 2:30pm... got dressed and went uptown..
met up with Caitlin... we talked and such... then J came along so we went to the mall... we went in the doors to the City Market... and i saw Caitlyn... and her hair is AWESOME!! i went over asked how she was and shes good... so i gave her a HUGE hug and such... then me, J, Caitlin, Greig, and Keith went to Market Square... twas fun indeed!
then i headed home... fuck its REALLY REALLY FOGGY!!! i couldnt see to far in front of me... i kept having bad panic attacks it sucked!!
umm got home and mom got in shortly after... lol she made some Sloppy Joes... and me and my mixing up words... i go upto my mom in the kitchen and go:
"i cant wait to eat my Sloppy Hoes!" and i haven't seen my mom and vicki laugh so hard lol... so for now im calling em Sloppy Hoes!! lol
and yea i went back uptown around 7pm... met up with Stive and Johno and Zee Spot... and we went to Johnos... sat around played guitar... and we watched Johno play some cool Strategy War Game... and watched some Thrice videos.. live and official videos! \m/!!!! and i fell asleep for 15mins lol
then came home... went online... talked to Caitlyn who wasn't having a good day but i made her smile and im meeting up with her tommorow at the bus stop after school! so should be fun!
and yea some sick chick asked me who i was and such... and she told me her name... which is the same name as a chick i hated and wish would shoot herself way back in elementary... and she asked me "how big is your bird" i was like " what the fuck? how old are you 10? and besides i dunno and i dun fucking care good bye" and blocked her... scarey thing is she lives in this city... and yea... she comes near me... i'll get Caitlyn or Caitlin to kick the shit out of her *grin*
hehe im VERY protected hehehhee
but yes i should do my math homework which i probably wont get done... and shit i think i have english too... fuck wads!!! GOD DAMN THOSE SLOPPY HOES!!!!
--cries-- i miss my ashieanda!!!! hehe BUT BUT WE GET TO TALK ON THE PHONE THURSDAY w00t!!! i love her voice and her in general so much!!! <33333333333
and hehe yea im offered to do rythm in my friends band... hehe its umm Heavy Punk... like Thrice... and Melodic and such... its cool!! and im good friends with the founding members who ive known for like 4-6 years XD so yea should be fun!
but yes im gonna go do me homework!
Later all!
I <3 you Panda!
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| heh |
[02 May 2004|02:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
SiC - SlipKnoT |
] |
well this week/weekend has been crappy!
this week i forget what in the fucking hell i did... i remember going to Caitlyns with Kris and Tara... and everyone getting drunk and high... EXCEPT ME
yea it was funny seeing Tara chase the cat lol... and Cait trip out... but meh... me and Kris talked about things... we're getting a Grunge/Metal band together NIRAGE!! ohhh yea!!
Nirage
Me - guitar/vocals
Kris - guitar/vocals
J - bass/vocals
Adam - drums/vocals
OHHH YEA!! lol
i talked to ash on the phone wednesday and thursday even tho she was grounded lol we snuck... hehe!! ^^
i talked to Leslie tonight! GOD I MISSED HER!!! ^^!!!
J isn't doing to good... but thats Confidential on whats going on... cause he has a personal life and im not gonna blurt everything out cause i respect and love him..
me... today i felt so down... and homicidal... but im better now... SlipKnoT saved my life once again ^^!!! Maggot for Life!!!
well my body aches... so maybe i should talk a bath... relax... and crawl into bed... hmmm maybe Matt will call me today and go cruising for a bit... come back and sit online and chat to Leslie, Ash (if shes on), Lex, Adam, Joey... and everyone!
anwyas yea... headaches kickin in... i should go now
Love You All!
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| blahr! |
[27 Apr 2004|01:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 mad@ashs dad/worried about ash |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Beware The Heavens - Sinergy |
] |
well nothing much has happeend lately... ummmm lets see
Sunday night i went with Chris to Caitlyns... they didn't get high WAHOO! we played hide and go seek... but our Imaginary friend was it... LOL it was humorous... we all piled into Caitlyns closet and sat around and talked... i got hit the nuts by chris and cait cause we couldn't see... i hit cait in the eye, boob, and leg... i slapped chris by a mistake but he got me back lol... i got mad cause i wanted to be home at 11 to call my ashianda... what happens i get home at 11.45 i was pissed
and to make me even more pissed... heh ash's dad is being the biggest fucking ASSHOLE ALIVE!!! he is taking away what makes her happy... internet, sandras, talking to me on phone... yea cause you know redneck there answers the fun and goes "she cant talk to you for awhile" and yea... heh hes just lucky i dont have all the money right now... cause i would drive my ass there... knock on the fucking god damn fucking door... and if he had a problem with me being there... he can meet my fucking combat in the mouth... hes pushed things to far
no one... i repeat NO ONE makes the love of my life feel like shit or hurts her... without me stepping in... and i garuntee it can and probably will get violent when im there... unless fuckwad decides to do his job as a dad... yea thats right... i wanna talk to him... you know... not man to man... but Dad to Dad... cause obviously hes not doing a good job... if all he wants to do is make his daughters life a living hell... and make her go back to cutting and depression and he doesnt care... me if my son was happy with a girl from GERMANY for ffuck sakes... id say ALL THE POWER TO YA... and be happy for him... and such... but nooo ash's dad has to be a fucking COWBOY about it the fucking yahoo...
lol i relized... i have more than one nickname for him... ohwell doesn;t matter... he calls me Asshole all the time... and he doesn;t even know me or even talked to me... man i swear to god... if he says ANYTHING to ash... in my presence... about "herself, Sandra, ash's mom, etc" i will step in... and he'll know it... cause he ahs fucked with the wrong person
dont mind me im venting... im very mad at Ash's dad.. i dun wanna goto school today because im sick... but im gonna end up going... GAHHH!
anwyas yea im off to bed... Ash i love you!! never forget that!! <33
--hugs and kisses his ashieanda--
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| yay! |
[25 Apr 2004|02:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loving my Ashieanda |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Last Breathe - Norther |
] |
well nothing much lately... past few days have been good... ever since i talked to Ash... things have been ALOT better... hehe god i loves my Ashieanda!! she makes me feel like a million bucks LOL muwhahahaha
guess what!!! 8 WEEKS!!!!! til i leave for ASHIES!!! XD!!!
i cant fucking wait!!! god damn!!! i cant wait!! *bounces around like a sardine in a tin can on speed* w00t!!!!
heheehe... god like seriously... this summer is gonna fucking rock... its gonna be the BEST summer ever in my life!!! i cant wait!!! hehehe i cant wait to laze around with my ashie... cuddle and sleep... kiss her... i cant wait JUST TO BE BESIDE HER!!!! XD!!!
man i love ash so much!!! i NEVER wanna lose her... EVER!! hehehehehhe god damn i love her!!! i be with ASHIE SOON!!! w00t!!!
but yes its late and im tired im gonna goto bed..
Love You my Ashieanda!!! <33
oh heres a song i wrote
isn't this fun
Always living life on the run
all i have said before
has already been done
I'd rather drop dead
With a wound to my head
get out of my way
i wont have this no more
move out of my way
im feeling your pain once more
yesterday was the past
i wish i could of made it last
today im hurt again
tommorow it will happen again
thoughts of you increase
but im nothing but your disease
get out of my way
i wont have this no more
move out of my way
im feeling the pain once more
all my hate is rising
the fate is dying
blood stains my hands
im gonna take the stand
rise to the top
before i disband
get out of my way
i wont have this no more
move out of my way
im feeling our pain once more
ASH im gonna call you tonight around 8 k?
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| things are better |
[24 Apr 2004|02:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
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loving ash |
] |
| [ |
music |
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diasterpeices soundcheck - Slipknot |
] |
well things are ALOT better... me and ash are great! life is straightening out... lost someone i knew... he was 16... died in a car accident cause everyone was high... but yea... RIP Anthony... and yea...
everything i was scared of before is forgotten... its in the past... ash you've been more than a lover to me... you've been a best friend... someone i can always turn to when i need help... someone i know who will see me through things... and someone who will never do anything to hurt me... i love you with all my heart and soul... i'll never stop loving you... like i said earlier... nothing will stop us... and we will be married ^^
this summer is gonna rock so much... i get to stay with Sandra =D im gonna pay sandra back too... i'll think of a way... hehe... man... i cant wait i get to finally hold my ashie while she sleeps... i know for the 1st few days im gonna cry while holding her... i just know it... hell when i get there to the town on the bus... im gonna be all shakey... cause ya im so EXCITED!!! w00t!!! i get to be with my ashie!! and and im gonna bring my white and green dress!!! w00t!!! lol!!
well i should goto bed now since i have nothing else to do... Ash is offline... and yea... so zakkieh is better once again.. thanks to the power of his PANDA!! XD!!! w00t!!!
I LOVES MY ASHIEANDA!!!!!!! hehehehehehhe!!!! <333333
anyways night all... LOVE YOU ASHIE!!! <33
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| a song about a certain someone |
[23 Apr 2004|04:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 down |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Oh Me - Nirvana |
] |
i wrote this after my incident wednesday night... and yea... everyone will know who its about... well who'll see me thru and thru... and who i held onto to fight to live... and yea...
endless loop in my head
wishing i was dead
beleive me i tried to beat this
i thought things could be easier than this
look through these painful eyes
watch my life and its endless cries
all i held onto
all i ever know
is that you'll be there
thru and thru
cries for help in the air
my mind can not bare
mind hurts to think
stomache burns to care
i wont give up this battle
you'll be the last i see
all i held onto
all i ever know
is that you'll be there
thru and thru
and yea... ashie its about you... well tghe chorus and your the one i'll last see... and yea... well im off to bed...
night everyeone
night panda...and thanks for being there for me... and seeing me thru and thru... and for being a lover, a wife to be, and a bestfriend... i love you to the grave... -hugs and kisses his panda and never lets go-
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| song? |
[17 Apr 2004|07:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Anuerysm - Nirvana |
] |
well nothing much has happened today... woke up... found out J went to the hospital... he was passing out... good thing is... it has NOTHING to do with his head injury... thank god... but hes pale and such... and yea...
i takled to Caitlyn for a bit on via phone... and i talked to her friend Tara online... was fun... and i wrote a song im gonna post it
<3 you ash
Red Lines
blackened trees
is all that i can see
here is where i can be found
all gagged and bound
bad dreams coming true
im learning to see it thru
nothing is what i see
this is all i could ever be
Red lines across the sky
turn black to red
all i want to do is cry
my body feels so dead inside
i feel so alone
all locked up inside
i hear the breaking of a bone
skin is peeling on the outside
look in the mirror
i hide in fear of what i know
nothing but a torn heart
suicide is all i could ever know
Red lines across the sky
turn black to red
all i want to do is cry
my body feels so dead inside
later all
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| heh |
[16 Apr 2004|03:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Duality - Slipknot |
] |
well right now i feel like HELL
im having chills... im seeing things... i cant sleep... what the fuck is wrong with me... gah... maybe im dying? who knows i sure as hell dont... meh... ohwell... i die i die... dont matter
well it does... but not really... well to me... but yea
well im gonna go now to bed... sleep... possibly... watch my alice in chains movie...
well night all
<3you sexxieh panda!
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| blah balh blah |
[15 Apr 2004|04:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bother - Stone Sour |
] |
well today was ok
hung out with Caitlyn, Mike, Sean, Keith and others... was fun... watched Mike and Caitlyn get high... and i had to guide Caitlyn around cause she was to far gone,... i came home around 6-7... layed on the couch tried to dry off and get warm... i haven't slept well in days... stomache hurts... and guess what fucking happens... i look at the clock at 9 i was like SWEET an hour til i talk to my love... what happens i fall the fuck asleep... something i didn't want to happen... i wake up at 1am... i cried... cause i wanted to talk to the one person who means more than life to me... i talk to her EVERYDAY!! and i didnt today... and i cried so fucking hard i still am...
man i feel like a failure now... there is no reason i should... but i do... i feel like im letting my family..my friends..ash... i feel like im letting them all down... i never wanted to care so much for everyone... im not sugar coating my day...
my day fucking SUCKED!! ok... this day sucked... right now i wanna commit suicide... sure hanging with friends was fun... but what happens when i get home... what happens when im alone... that fun time is taken away from my mind... im reminded... of what i am... someone that is easily hurt by the simplest things ever... i never wanted to care so much... i never asked for this fucking life... i never asked for anything... it all just came to me... i couldn't turn my back to someone... i just couldn't... cause i just cant... you know that saying... if the world turns its back on you.. you turn your back on the world... i wish for me that was possible... but its not... i could have someone turn there back to me... but i wont turn mine... i will remain there... and when they need help... i will be there... i helped people so much... it hurts... cause what about my pain... like i dunno... today on the way home in the rain... i was listenin to Bother by Stone Sour... i love Corey Taylor... hes a man with his head on his shoulders... knows alot... and i just wanted to walk in front of a car... and just end my life... just be gone... be out of this endless circle of pain... cause i wanna die hearing Bother... but no matter what i cant kill myself... cause i care to much of how people will feel... i care so much... i hurt so bad... yet... i cant kill myself cause i care so much... so im gonna be on an endless ride of getting my mind torn apart... getting hurt... being suicidal... just... fuck... i dont wanna live... i hate life... life is overrated... sure i have life good... but no one sees the inside of me... when really im a sad dark boy with no where to go... i know i have a wonderful son... and a beautiful girlfriend/wife to be... *cries really hard* i have an amazing best friend...
why.. please someone... just please... tell me.. why do i have to feel like this... im crying so hard right now i can feel the blood pressure in my face.... but why... why do i have to feel suicidal... why do i have to be so misserable... when i have 3 things in life... i always wanted... i always wanted a beautiful son... i always wanted a girlfriend/wife who loves me for who i am and will be there for me... i have an amazing best friend... whos been there for me for years... i love them all so much... so fucking much... im fucking balling my eyes out... i dont wanna ever hurt them... not one of them... i have friends everywhere... people love me... but WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS!!! WHY THE FUCK DO I FEEL SO ALONE!!!! WHY!!! FOR FUCK SAKES WHYY!!!!!! it hurts so much... i dont wanna be sad... i wanna enjoy what i have...
hell im going to the states in June to be with ash... i cant wait for that... cause im gonna cry so hard... and im gonna hug and kiss her... and im not gonna stop crying... i wont be able to stop... i feel like i just lost my grandmother all over again... when i see ash... im gonna cry so hard tho... i love her so fucking much... i never thought i could love someone so much... but i do... i found out what true love feels like and its a great feeling... but i continue to be the lil sad down boy.. and i dunno why... maybe because i dont have ash with me pyshically... that might be it... i hope it is... cause if not... im gonna be sad all the time...
wish i died
instead of lived
the zombie hides my face <---- there ya go... i feel like that
anyways... i think i rambled on so long now... my stomache hurts... i have to get up in like a few hours... i have homework... im puking up blood and bile... just fuck...
but yea... ASH IM GONNA CALL YOU TONIGHT AFTER 8 OK!?!?!
i love you ash more than anything... well heh i just said that alot above... but i do... never think otherwise cause youd be wrong... you are the one to me... and i will never let that go... *sings* "once i hold on.. i wont let go til it bleeds" and i wont let go EVER!! and i'll be there soon ^^; and my eyes hurt...
*hugs and kisses ash* Love You
and i love all of you who read this... you all play a role in my life... and i never wanna lose any of you...
night all
<3you ash
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| a song |
[14 Apr 2004|12:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thinking of ashie |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Duality - Slipknot |
] |
i just wrote this song... a few mins ago... theres lots of meanings behind it... ash i told you id write a song about you well from your eyes looking at your dad and how you feel... well somewhat... some has to do with my past... but yea.. here it is
Stitched
i dont understand this
i hurt and ache
but it never ends
never lettin me be
i just dont know anymore...
it haunts me
taunts the things i hold
laughs at this and that
i chose this life of fate
but all it leads to is hate
i dont understand this
i hurt and ache
but it never ends
its all stitched up inside
i lived life on the line
showed all i never had a fear of dyin
open up the wound
feed me the shit you want me see
stitch the skin back up
watch me suffer in my darkened state
i dont understand this
i hurt and ache
but it never ends
its all stitched up inside
use my head as your plain
never take the time to see my pain
bitched at me bitched at that
seperate my head from my heart
stabbed me in back
set my soul on fire watch it turn black
i dont understand this
i hurt and ache
but it never ends
its all stitched up inside
its opening again
stitch after stitch
its opening again
stitch after stitch
oh jesus no... NOT AGAIN!!
i dont understand this
i hurt and ache
but it never ends
never letting me be
its all stitched up inside
thats my new song... and to be honest i love it! but yes im gonna go now
i'll call you tonight ash!! i love you!!! *hugs and kisses his panda*
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|
|
[13 Apr 2004|04:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loving Ash!! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Needled 24/7 - Children of Bodom |
] |
hehe i hope you like my layout ash!... thank Alison for the pic XD!
i love you ashie!!! i will talk to you later either online or after 8 on the phoney! XD!!
*hugs and kisses you* you are the shooting star on my sky.. i love you more than anything!!!
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[12 Apr 2004|03:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Duality - SlipKnoT |
] |
I push my fingers into my eyes
its the only thing
that slowly stops the ache
but its all made of all
the things i have to take
Jesus it never ends
it pushed its way inside
if the pains goes on...
I have screamed until my veins collapsed
ive waited as my times elapsed
now all i do is live with so much fate
i wished for this
i bitched at that
ive left behind this little fact
you cannot kill what you did not create
ive gotta say what ive gotta say and then i swear i'll go away
but i cant promise you'll enjoy the noise
i guess i'll save the best for last
my future seems like one big past
you laughed at me cuz you left me no choice
I push my fingers into my eyes
its the only thing
that slowly stops the ache
if the pain goes on
IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!
Pull me back together
or seperate the skin from bone
leave me all the peices
then you can leave me alone
tell me the reality is better than the dream
but ive found out the hard way
Nothing is what it seems
I push my fingers into my eyes
it the only thing
that slowly stops the ache
but its all made of all
the things i have to take
jesus it never ends
it pushed its way inside
if the pain goes on
IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!
All ive got
All ive got is insane
All ive got
All ive got is insane
All ive got
All ive got is insane
All ive got
All ive got is insane
I push my fingers into my eyes
it's the only thing
that slowly stops the ache
but its made of all
the things i have to take
Jesus it never ends
it pushed it's way inside
if the pain goes on
IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT!!!
well there is the lyrics for Duality... AMAZING SONG!!! im a Maggot for life... fuck.. this song... even blows the shit out of the Self Titled... holy fuck... i love corey singing... and ash i'll sing this song to you and you tell me how good i sound...
hehe but yes im gonna go now... sleep... probably not since i have this song on i love it... holy fuck... i can picture me holding ash... or just being with ash listenin to this song.. and i dunno why... i love how he sings the chorus and the guitars are amazing... just drool!!
but yes... ash i will talk to you today XD!!!! and i will right a song about you!! hehe cause yea i will!!!
and ash i love you eternally... to the end of time... your dad can think whatever he wants... cause i love you and if it all comes down to down... i will step in and defend you... fuck im gonna write lyrics now... holy shit amazing ideas for songs... XD!!!
and ash.. you are my life... never forget that... whenever you feel like no one cares and everyone is against you... remember one thing hun... i will never go against you... nor will i ever hurt you... youve treated me like a god/king... and thats something i have never had... and i treat you like a queen... we both have had bad pasts... but now lets forget about our childhoods... we have had eachother for 6-7 months... and thats just the beginning... i will always be there when your in need... weather its just cause you want a hug or a kiss.. or you need life threatening help... i'll be by your side... i'll face your fears with you... i'll help you through life... never look down... where were at ash is heaven... and thats where we will remain with eachother... i will never let go of you... i just couldn't... i love you so much... words do not describe how much you mean to me... youve been there when i was with raven... you never turned away... you've helped me with my suicide problems... you gave me a reason to live (which is you)... i will be there in the summer... and i will never let go of you.. well except to use the bathroom... but i will never stop loving you... nor will i ever hurt you...
this was suppose to me an update for the lyrics... but i have the song on repeat... and i wanted to tell you ash... that your the one person i will never give up... run from... or hide anything from... I LOVE YOU!!!!
i want to desrcibe how i feel... but i cant describe it... because i know its true love and thats one thing you can never describe
well im gonna go now... and listen to my tunes... and such...
I Love You Ash my Sexxieh Sweet Panda
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[12 Apr 2004|03:41am] |
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Duality - Slipknot |
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wow... i just reinstalled windows
i heard Duality by Slipknot,.... it gave me fucking Goosebumps... its even getter than Pulse of the Maggots!!!
i can see myself singing this song... man i want ashie here right now... i know shes having a rough time too... fuck i feel sick... im so worried about ash...
man all i want right now is to hold ash in my arms and tell her that i love her and everything will be ok... and that i wont let anyone hurt her anymore...
ash i promise you i wont let anyone hurt you... if they do they're dealing with me... family/friends/or just a random person... your too good of a person to get hurt... i love you heart and soul... you mean EVERYTHING to me... id be dead without you!!! you are my light in my darkness!! your my everything and tonight i will sing you Duality to you! and i'll post the lyrics in a min too!
--hugs his sexxieh panda-- im gonna write a song ash... i;m gonna put myself in your eyes and write a song... about how you feel... and i know how you feel... im still on that road... i love you so much!!
i will call you tonigt?? after 7pm!!
--hugs and kisses his sexxieh panda ashie--
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| wow |
[11 Apr 2004|09:45pm] |
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Bulldozer - Machine Head |
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lol well my injuries LOL thats a bit insane... its all internal lol... my ulser is hurting and im spitting blood alil... ummm bruised my right lung... cracked my ribcage... and a rib... um my neck is stiff... i dislocated and relocated my shoulder... and i have a minor concussion...
LOL that was the best show EVER!!! i met the old singer of Impaled Nazerus!!! he sings in a band here!!! i was like *drops jaw*
lol yea! it was amazing!!
talked to the guitarist and singer of Victim 13 since i know them somewhat... they said next show they will cover Bulldozer by Machine Head for me... and im more than welcome to get on stage and sing i was like SWISH!!!
so amazing... fuck... it was just WOW... i dunno what to say... lol ALL OUT METAL SHOW... IN A GOTHIC CHURCH...ON EASTER WEEKEND... with Freaks everywhere... how does that not get any better??
fuck yea!!! MONTREAL!!! OH YEA!!! FREE SHOWS FOR ME!! or 1/2 PRICE!!! and i get to hang out BACKSTAGE WITH THE BANDS!!! like... BODOM, FILTH, KATATONIA, OPETH, Deicide, EVERYONE!!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
fuck cant wait til next show... im gonna own the pit again with Tim and Jeremy!! *headbangs with bad neck* fuck the pain... its music i will die for music! muwahhahahah!!
im a bit CRAZY
lol anyways im off to call my panda <3
<3you panda
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[11 Apr 2004|01:53am] |
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Ultra - KMFDM |
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holy fuck... that was the best show!!!
we didn't play ini the balcony area... BUT I STILL GOT TO FLY!!!!
holy shit.. it was amazing... i dislocated and relocated my shoulder at once... got kicked around... ummm flew into a guy drinking.. he grabbed me and i thought i was gonna end up fighting... and he said i spilled his beer... and i said sorry and he laughed and hugged me and said its ok... and that he loves my bodom hoody... hehe
and then... J came... and it went NUTS... me, him, and adam all flew into the mosh pit... oh god... its like Ozzfest in there... except if you fall we stop and pick ya up... adam... grabbed my arm and whipped me... which made me go 5ft into the air... and i hit someone.. dislocated my shoulder... and then someone hit it again and big snap happened and i could move it again so i went back in...
my neck... well im surprised it isnt broken... lol adam also picked me up like a bride and spun in circles and we both headbanged... twas fun... i got hugs from people i haven't seen in awhile... like BONNIE!!! someone took my picture
oh oh oh !!! i met a cool guy... who liked me cause i was the ONLY one with a Bodom hoody and Cradle shirt and he said i stood out from the rest... and he knew since he saw me that i was a true Metal freak! we talked and such... he said if i want he'll take me to Bodom...and he'll get us in for FREE... cause his friend owns the place... and he'll take me to see Katatonia, Iced Earth, Dimmu Borgir... and everything... i was like HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! *SMILE*
i moshed and then i almost passed out... cause yea INJURIES.. im a sore sore SORE panda... i think im concussed... not sure.. ohwell... hehehe... TIM OWNED the pit tonight... the jeremy... then me! muwhahahah!!!
BUT OWI!!! pain... hey i have a cut somehow damn ohwell... like everyone has said to me " zak you may be small and lanky... but you are one of the toughest fuckers around "
overall the show was AMAZING... i wish ash could of been there cause people wanna meet her -sniff-
but yes... my head is bleeding somehow or was cause there is dry blood down my face... so yea gonna take a bath... crawl into my bed... sleep... get up... and talk to my ashie!!! muwhaha
Ashie = Zakkiehs sexxieh very special panda XD
well night all.. im sore... cranky... and i wanna go back and do it again.. but yea... later
<3 you ash!
\m/!
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| SWISH!!! |
[10 Apr 2004|06:04pm] |
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SWISH |
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Rebel Yell - Children of Bodom |
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ADAM IS ON HIS WAY!!! *dances* and hes bringing his bro Corey who is like a bro to me!! *dances* THIS IS GONNA FUCKING ROCK!!!
im gonna die!! LOL!!! *jumps up and down* off to hell we go!!!
muwhaha!!!
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